Endurance

The other night I fell to my knees in tears next to my bed.  The itching has not stopped...in fact, it's gotten worse the past few days.  It is just so darn consuming.  That on top of all of the pains and adjustments that come post-childbirth had put me over the edge.  I tearfully prayed for it to stop, saying that I just couldn't take it anymore.  I went to take yet another oatmeal bath and brought this month's Ensign with me.  I read through several talks/stories and began to read a talk by Elder David A. Bednar called The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality.  I finished it in bed shortly after and it changed my prayer and perspective.  Okay, so I still wouldn't mind the itching to stop, but I'm working on a new perspective in the meantime.

In the article, Elder Bednar talks about the people of Alma in The Book of Mormon:

"Consider the example in the Book of Mormon as Alma and his people are persecuted by Amulon. The voice of the Lord came to these good people in their affliction and indicated:

“I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs. …

“And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:14–15; emphasis added).

What was changed in this episode? It was not the burden that changed; the challenges and difficulties of persecution were not immediately removed from the people. But Alma and his followers were strengthened, and their increased capacity and strength made the burdens they bore lighter. These good people were empowered through the Atonement to act as agents and impact their circumstances. And “in the strength of the Lord” Alma and his people were then directed to safety in the land of Zarahemla."

And what Elder Bednar said changed how I view this trial of mine:

"As you and I come to understand and employ the enabling power of the Atonement in our personal lives, we will pray and seek for strength to change our circumstances rather than praying for our circumstances to be changed. We will become agents who act rather than objects that are acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:14).

The enabling power of the Atonement of Christ strengthens us to do things we could never do on our own. Sometimes I wonder if in our latter-day world of ease—in our world of microwave ovens and cell phones and air-conditioned cars and comfortable homes—we ever learn to acknowledge our daily dependence upon the enabling power of the Atonement."

There is a reason for me to go through this physical trial - I need to understand more deeply the Atonement of our Savior and how to use it in my life.  I need to call on Him to help me carry this burden.  The scripture that keeps coming to my mind is in Moroni 7:45:

45 And ^acharity suffereth long, and is ^bkind, and ^cenvieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily ^dprovoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

It's that last bit - "endureth all things" - that keeps going through my head.  I know that there are people who deal with SO much more physical, mental, emotional anguish on a daily basis. This is just one of the hardest things that I, personally, have been through.  I know that it will pass and someday be a distant memory.  I just hope that I learn from it and allow myself to be a little more refined - a little more like our Savior - in the process.  After all, that's what these trials of mortality are all about, right?  Indeed.