Endurance

The other night I fell to my knees in tears next to my bed.  The itching has not stopped...in fact, it's gotten worse the past few days.  It is just so darn consuming.  That on top of all of the pains and adjustments that come post-childbirth had put me over the edge.  I tearfully prayed for it to stop, saying that I just couldn't take it anymore.  I went to take yet another oatmeal bath and brought this month's Ensign with me.  I read through several talks/stories and began to read a talk by Elder David A. Bednar called The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality.  I finished it in bed shortly after and it changed my prayer and perspective.  Okay, so I still wouldn't mind the itching to stop, but I'm working on a new perspective in the meantime.

In the article, Elder Bednar talks about the people of Alma in The Book of Mormon:

"Consider the example in the Book of Mormon as Alma and his people are persecuted by Amulon. The voice of the Lord came to these good people in their affliction and indicated:

“I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs. …

“And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:14–15; emphasis added).

What was changed in this episode? It was not the burden that changed; the challenges and difficulties of persecution were not immediately removed from the people. But Alma and his followers were strengthened, and their increased capacity and strength made the burdens they bore lighter. These good people were empowered through the Atonement to act as agents and impact their circumstances. And “in the strength of the Lord” Alma and his people were then directed to safety in the land of Zarahemla."

And what Elder Bednar said changed how I view this trial of mine:

"As you and I come to understand and employ the enabling power of the Atonement in our personal lives, we will pray and seek for strength to change our circumstances rather than praying for our circumstances to be changed. We will become agents who act rather than objects that are acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:14).

The enabling power of the Atonement of Christ strengthens us to do things we could never do on our own. Sometimes I wonder if in our latter-day world of ease—in our world of microwave ovens and cell phones and air-conditioned cars and comfortable homes—we ever learn to acknowledge our daily dependence upon the enabling power of the Atonement."

There is a reason for me to go through this physical trial - I need to understand more deeply the Atonement of our Savior and how to use it in my life.  I need to call on Him to help me carry this burden.  The scripture that keeps coming to my mind is in Moroni 7:45:

45 And ^acharity suffereth long, and is ^bkind, and ^cenvieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily ^dprovoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

It's that last bit - "endureth all things" - that keeps going through my head.  I know that there are people who deal with SO much more physical, mental, emotional anguish on a daily basis. This is just one of the hardest things that I, personally, have been through.  I know that it will pass and someday be a distant memory.  I just hope that I learn from it and allow myself to be a little more refined - a little more like our Savior - in the process.  After all, that's what these trials of mortality are all about, right?  Indeed.

...and then there were 6!

Tucker Elliott Foster was born on Saturday, March 24th, at 2:40 p.m.  He weighed in at 7 lbs 4 oz and was 20 inches long.  He has lots of dark hair, a perfect little head, and the most handsome face.  We are head over heels.

Now for how it all went down.  (Feel free to not read on and just peruse the pictures...)  It was a doozy, but a doozy that resulted in the sweetest, best smelling little babe in my arms.  Oh my gosh, he is so tiny and handsome.  I love him.

So we headed in for the induction about 9:45 p.m.  It wasn't until 12:30 a.m. that Dr. Christen got into the hospital to start the first phase of the induction - the balloons.  It's basically a catheter-type thing and they blow up two balloons with saline, one on the inside of the cervix and the other on the outside.  The balloons press against each other, opening the cervix, and once you are dilated to a 4 the balloons fall out.  He gave me an Ambien so that I could get rest until the morning.  The plan was for him to just take the balloons out at 10:30 a.m. if they hadn't come out on their own.  Well, at 3:30 a.m. I remember having a really intense dream and then realizing that my water broke.  I woke up in a haze and told the nurse who confirmed it.  It was kind of tough coming out of the Ambien-induced sleep, but the contractions began and that got me out of the haze pretty quick.

From 7 to 11 a.m. I was working through some pretty good, consistent, intense contractions.  At some point I felt pressure and pushed/pulled the balloons out.  Contractions continued for quite a while and I felt like we were getting close.  Then...nothing.  It all stopped.  I just felt exhausted and wanted to take a nap and eat something. Not a good sign since you aren't hungry during active labor.  I laid down for a bit until Dr. Christen came in and said that we needed contractions so he would be starting me on a low dose of pitocin and just increase it incrementally until I got going again.  After he left I turned to Ty and cried.  I was frustrated and tired and, well, an emotional pregnant momma.  A few tears did me some good.  My nurse said, "Sometimes it's really good to cry."

I need to say something about my nurse, Peggy.  I think it's great to have a doctor you like who is supportive of your birth choices and I am SO happy that Dr. Christen was my doctor this time around.  He was perfect. But I really feel like having the right nurse makes ALL the difference.  I pray throughout my pregnancy for a good nurse and every time I have felt so blessed.  I know that Heavenly Father has answered that prayer with each birth; it is a beautiful tender mercy for which I am so thankful.  My night nurse, Marcella, came in around 7:30 a.m. to introduce me to my day nurse, Peggy.  Peggy tells me that she practiced as a nurse midwife back East for over 20 years and now teaches nursing classes at the local college.  I later found out that she works at the hospital only 4 times a month because she just can't give up being part of deliveries.  Just four times a month, and she is there on the day I am giving birth and is assigned to me.  So the lady (me) who had wanted a home birth gets the experienced nurse midwife to be her nurse.  I absolutely know that God knows me and is aware of me.

The pitocin started around 12:30 and things were pretty irregular and not very intense for the first bit.  I realized the time and sent Ty out to get himself some lunch.  I couldn't stand the smell of food in the room and I was sure that we had a while to go.  Peggy and I chatted it up between contractions - sister has some crazy birth stories from her years in the business - and then things started getting pretty serious.  Suddenly I wasn't feeling very talkative and I had to go to the place in my mind where I can work through that kind of pain.  I was wondering where my husband was and Peggy was realizing she'd better take a bathroom break because it seemed that things were moving pretty quickly.  I think she called Dr. Christen to let him know that we were well on our way.  Ty walked in the door just a few minutes after Peggy walked out.  Dr. Christen had Peggy lower the pitocin for a bit because he was just finishing up a delivery down the hall.  He came in sometime after that.  I felt like I was transitioning and getting close to pushing.  Oh, the pain was so intense. He checked me and said I was at a 6.  I was expecting to hear 8.  I didn't feel like I could do that kind of pain for much longer.  Dr. Christen said, "I can't tell you that with another contraction you won't be an 8, but I also can't tell you that it won't be 3 hours."  I said that I would like an epidural.  If this was going to go on for more than another 1/2 hour I just didn't want to do it.  I knew that I could, but I didn't want to.  Dr. Christen said I'd have to have fluids in me for about 20 minutes before they could administer the epidural and that he wanted to check me before the anesthesiologist came in.  Ty said that Dr. Christen and Peggy exchanged a look that said they knew there was going to be a baby before an epidural.  I thought that too, but things had been so weird and I was on pitocin so I just wasn't sure about anything.  Plus, who is super rational at that point during labor?  Not I.  Dr. Christen later told me that he did call the anesthesiologist, but basically told him not to even get ready because he didn't plan on needing him. Peggy started the fluids and I worked through a few more serious contractions (10 minutes) before saying, "I feel like I need to push."  Peggy called Dr. Christen in.  He checked me and I was at a 9 1/2.  Oh happy day!  He asked if he could stay there through the next contraction, I said yes, and he pushed the rest of the cervix out of the way.  About 5 minutes and two pushes later, Tucker Elliott Foster took his first, wonderful, miraculous breath while I looked on in tears and with a heart FULL of love and gratitude.

I am in awe of childbirth and the spirit and love that accompany that baby who comes into the world.  I am in love with this tiny person who has entered our family.  I am humbled to be his mom and I am so glad that he is here!  In fact, the last picture is him next to me right now.  I'm going to hop off of this computer and kiss his face and smell his breath...I love, love baby breath.  Welcome to the world, Tucker Elliott!

Our last day as a family of 5

It was really bizarre to be induced and to KNOW that Friday was the last day we would spend together before Tucker entered the world.  Bizarre, but there were some great things about it.  I woke up and got all of the last-minute cleaning and organizing done that I wanted to do.  Then we headed out for the park because it was a gorgeous, sunny day.  We took a lunch and had the whole place to ourselves.  I took videos of the kids and we talked about Tucker being born and loved our time together.  It was shorter than I'd hoped because I took too long with my other projects in the morning, but it was still really great.

Then Max and I dropped the rest of the family off at home and I went to school to volunteer in his class.  I'd planned to just stay for about an hour (hadn't eaten lunch and I wanted to get stuff together for the hospital and such), but ended up staying the whole time.  It was so fun!  I read with several of the kids in class and got to help Max with some of the assignments.  Every time I looked over at Max he would blow me a kiss.  My goodness, I am so lucky to be his mom.  He LOVES having me in the classroom.  I'm sure he'll feel the same when he's 17, right?

We came home and I got busy with a few more projects.  I was supposed to call Labor and Delivery at 5:00 to see if I could come in at 7:00 and for some reason I was TENSE about making the phone call.  Ty took Max to his first t-ball practice and I called in at 5:00.  No go.  "Call back at 7:30."  I cried.  Ty said we should go out to dinner as a family when they got home from practice and I readily agreed.  Red Robin had a long wait, so we headed over to Taco Time.  I really, really, really dig my little family.  I love spending time with them.  It was about time to call Labor and Delivery again when we were on our way home, so I did.  No go.  "Call back at 9:00."  More tears?  I don't remember, but probably.

We decided to come home and watch our Netflix movie Muppets from Space.  Ty popped popcorn and about 5 minutes into the movie I had two kids on my nonexistent lap and one snuggled up against me on the left.  About 10 minutes before the movie ended it was time to call in again.  This time, no anxiety.  It will be what it will be and this baby will be born sometime this weekend.  "I was just looking for your number, come on in."

We called our wonderful friend, Jessica, who had so kindly volunteered to stay with the kids and told her we were a go.  Then we tucked the kids in bed, promising a new baby brother the next day.  I would say that we had a GREAT last day as a family of 5.

And Babe Foster #4's name will be....

What?  You think I'm just going to share without the story behind the name?  Not a chance.

So we really struggled to come up with a name this time around.  Maybe it means that we're done...or at least done having boys.  I told a friend that IF we have another baby and IF it's another boy, we'll just have to wait for him to get old enough and name himself.  The boy name well is dry.

Right before my trip to Vegas a name came to my mind and I thought, "I really like that."  Then I got to Vegas where my mom got out some family genealogy books and over the phone she said, "What about the name _______ ?"  It was my great-great-grandmother's maiden name (so there's a whole line) AND it was the same name I'd been liking.  One of those chills all over kind of moments.  Confirmation that it's good and right.

I talked to the hubs who also liked the name and I thought we were good to go.  Then Ty got on the baby name website we'd frequented and checked out the name.  People with the name answer questions on the website and one question is names that they might be called (like, not nice names).  And the answer really discouraged me for this particular name.  So much so that I couldn't bring myself to commit to the name anymore.  

Months went by with more baby name lists and there just wasn't anything else I was feeling good about.  It always came back to this name for me. Names I liked?  Sure.  But no names I felt good about. The mean nickname wasn't much of an issue for Ty (he likes the Johnny Cash song A Boy Named Sue :)...if you read the lyrics, it does have a bad word, my apologies), his only hold-up was that the name ends in an -er just like our last name...which isn't an issue at all for me.  Lots of discussions between me and my patient husband who thought I should just commit to the name ensued.  It was a name I liked AND had familial ties/meaning, which has been important to us in naming each of our kids.

Well, guess who really made the decision for me?  Our own Everett Daniel.  The two-year-old.  We'd brought up a few names to the kids when we were in decision mode and he latched on to the name I'd felt good about, the name I hadn't been able to commit to.  Every time we asked what we should name the baby, he would say this particular name in his very adorable 2-year-old voice.  Ty said to me, "How can you NOT name the baby that when you hear Ev say it?"  It really is so cute.

Okay, this is really long and you're probably thinking that I'm an over-thinking crazy pregnant lady (you're totally right).  But there was a turning point I must share.  A few weeks ago I was getting the kids out of the bath and for some reason naming the baby's name was really on my mind at the exact moment that I was getting Everett dressed. I was thinking, "I want to have a name for this baby now.  What should I name him? Maybe I should just commit to that name." and Ev, out of nowhere, matter-of-factly states, "Baby's name Tucker."  Chills from head to toe.  He couldn't have known what I was thinking and we hadn't been talking about the baby or baby's name.  That was pretty much it for me.  I looked at my boy, kind of shocked, and said, "You think we should name our baby Tucker?"  He nodded his head and said, "Yeah."  I was ready to commit.

So, Tucker Elliott Foster will be joining our crew shortly!  (Elliott is Tyler's maternal grandfather's middle name.)  We thought it was going to be last night; I had three hours of strong, very close, consistent contractions that slowed and then stopped at the hospital. :(  It was sad and I felt kind of dumb.  But it makes me hopeful that: 1) He will be born soon. 2) He might come on his own without an induction.  Time will tell.  Either way, brother will be in our arms in the next week or so.  I am so anxious and excited (and itchy)!  Thanks to everyone for the prayers...I really feel them and am so grateful to have so many great people in my life.

Ever wondered...

...what it would feel like to have a thousand pins pricking your skin from the inside?

Yeah, me either.  But that is exactly how my body felt last night and I am still tender today. It goes from crazy itch to crazy scratching to pin pricks from my neck down to feeling like my body is on fire. Remember how I said I was done throwing pity parties?  Turns out I'm not. Venting makes me feel better.  I cannot sit normally on a couch at night - I have to perch on the edge because all of that contact makes me feel like my body is on fire and then I just have to cry. Clothes are awful. I cried for a looooong time last night and sat in an oatmeal bath for over an hour. Looks like I've hit my breaking point.  Until yesterday I was feeling like I could tough it out a while longer.  Today I called my doctor to give him a head's up that I want to be induced as early as we can arrange it next week.  The baby's arrival is just part of solving this issue, though.  Dr. Christen says that this is PUPPP so I know that delivery is the only cure, but it's not instantaneous.  After Ev was born, it stuck around for another 3 weeks (though what I've read about it says it should be gone within 1-2 weeks).  What I wouldn't give to have the PUPPP rash that I had with Ev...and I thought that stunk. We'll see what I work out with Dr. Christen and what he can work out with the hospital.

The part about this that really stinks?  I just want to think about the fact that I am bringing a tiny baby boy into the world very soon!  I want to rub my belly and talk to him, but I can't do anything but scratch.  It is just so darn consuming.  And I don't like it.  Not one bit.

While I can't do anything about the discomfort, I can do my best to rise above it.  I want to totally enjoy my kids and get super psyched for our baby to come; that's my goal for the next several days. Now excuse me while I go scratch until I bleed. :)

Babe Update

I saw the doc today.  I am really liking him.  I've had a different doctor for each of my babies (the doc who delivered Max stopped doing OB right when I got pregnant with Kelly; the doc for Kelly was not my favorite and so I switched; insurance changed one month before Ev was born and we were able to get a transition of care approval so he could still deliver the Ev man, but that meant a new doc for this babe).  It's when things get hairy that you learn more about your doctor, I think.  Anyway, he is very sympathetic and wants me to deliver as soon as possible.

There are some considerations, though:

• Turns out, my hospital has a policy that unless there is harm to mother or baby, an induction before 39 weeks is considered elective.  Dr. Christen says that he doesn't agree with that in certain cases, mine being one of them, and that he would be willing to fight for me if I wanted him to.  I do appreciate that they are conservative about that and I also appreciate his willingness to go to bat on my behalf.
• It is still a little early (I'm 37 weeks) for me to feel comfortable going now.  Generally, the baby would be okay...but what if he wasn't?  I would feel awful if his lungs weren't quite ready or if there was some other complication.  So I would not want to go any earlier than 38 weeks for the baby's sake.  And even then I am not thrilled about the thought of an induction.  However, the thought that this crazy itching while being large with child could go on for another 4 weeks (remember, Ev was 5 days late) is even worse than going through an induction in my mind.  It is physically and mentally draining, I tell you.  And Ty keeps reminding me that there is a small babe to take care of on the other end of this and I shouldn't deplete everything before we get there.  
• I kind of feel like I am wimping out by getting an induction, but was thoroughly teased by husband and doctor at today's appointment for that.  Dr. Christen: "Wimping out?!" Ty: "What, they don't give medals after child birth to moms who put themselves through the most pain (something along those lines)?"  Dr. Christen: "You know, they don't. I understand considering the baby's health, but beyond that get that baby out of there!" Okay, okay.  
• Calendar-wise, I wouldn't have wanted to go before Thursday the 22nd because Wednesday night is Max's last basketball game.  By then I would be 38 1/2 weeks and I don't feel like it would be too hard to go a few more days to make it to the 39-week mark.  

SO.  I am thinking we go until 39 weeks before an induction.  That means two weeks from today.  I can do it.  I am kind of getting used to it.  Not loving the blood on clothes and sheets, or the middle of the night scratching sessions, or not being able to wear anything but long-sleeves (this pregnant lady's wardrobe was already getting smaller, but that new provision makes it even worse), or the tears when it just gets too hard, but it's not the worst thing ever.  There are so many people who go through so much more.  I've thrown enough pity-parties and am a little partied out, so now I am trying to make the most of it and look on the bright side.

NOW.  My deepest desire is that this little man makes his appearance on his own prior to induction day.  I won't count on it, but I will work and pray for it (that YMCA membership is going to get a workout in the next few weeks).  Dr. Christen was checking the babe's position today and he seemed encouraged/surprised by how LOW the head is.  That might be good news!  Then he checked my cervix and before he checked I knew exactly what it would be because it's the same story with each babe - even a day before they are born, I am dilated to a 1 or 2 and everything is firm and long.  Then, water suddenly breaks and everything gets going quickly.  Same story today.

I have an appt. next Monday.  He'll check me again and then we will make a firm decision.  Feel free to add your prayers to mine that Babe Foster #4 comes on his own before 39 weeks.  Either way, I will be holding a wonderful little babe in my arms in two weeks or less!  I am so happy, grateful, humbled, and excited.  It is ALL worth it.

Maxwell Tyler

My firstborn son.  Man, I love him.

He plays basketball now, you know.  Dribbles like a champ.  He's the shortest (by a LOT) and youngest kid on the team, but is totally unphased by those facts.  He gives his all and feels like a huge contributor to the team's success.  His excitement about playing the game and being on a team cannot be overstated.  I picked him up from practice one night and as we were walking to the van he let out a deep sigh and said, "I love being on a basketball team."  Sweet boy.  So I mentioned the height and age discrepancy...there's also an experience discrepancy.  He is THRILLED to be out there and has gotten pretty darn good at the game of basketball, but when he's actually playing in a game it's a little harder for him to perform.  You know, people all over the place, many of them taller, and the need to look excitedly at mom and dad every time something good happens.  There are also tall boys on his team who have played before who like to score and don't really like to pass.  I wasn't sure that making a basket was in the cards for Max this year.  He REALLY wanted to, but seemed okay if it didn't happen.  WELL.  A few weeks ago, at the dinner table before the game, Max said the prayer.  He prayed to make a shot in his game that night.  I added a prayer in my heart for my little boy's prayer to be answered.  Max's sweet coaches have made it their mission for everyone on the team to make a shot during the season and at this particular game they were really working on it being Max.  One of the tall boys passed to Max toward the end of the game.  He got the ball, took a quick look, and shot.  Nothin' but net, baby!  It was beautiful.  The gym erupted in a cheer because everyone from our team knew what a big deal it was for Mr. Max.  And I WISH I would have been videotaping.  Brother gets over-the-top excited about every shot that his team makes...so just imagine his reaction when he was the one who made the basket.  We had to remind him to get his head back in the game. :)  And then Coach Marcel brought him across the gym during the next little break just so we could hug and congratulate him.  It was a sweet moment.  I am so thankful for his coaches and for my boy who has a whole lotta heart in his scrawny little body.  I am thankful that his tiny arms got the ball up there for that basket.  I am thankful for a little boy's answered prayer.  *Below is a picture of him after the shot-making game.*

Friday night our ward had a service auction.  It's a night where anybody in our congregation can offer some type of service or bring some goods for everyone to bid on using fake money.  It's always so fun and we usually score some free babysitting, dinner, and other great stuff.  Last Sunday we were signing up for what we were going to contribute and Max was sitting next to me and asked what I was doing.  I explained it to him and asked if he wanted to do something for it.  He decided that he would draw a picture of the church (after I suggested he make it a picture of something other than ninjas).  He spent a good amount of time on his drawing with lots of little details (it ended up being construction workers building the church), we glued a placard to it and were off.  I love our ward.  There was a little bidding war for Maxwell T's drawing. :)  So sweet of our friends.  Our next-door neighbor Ryan Linton, the dad of Max's best friend Reyes, ended up winning it.  I snapped a picture of them together with the drawing and then Max explained what all of the people were doing/working on.  After he was finished with his explanation he said to Ryan, in all seriousness, with his hands on his hips, "Well...have fun with that."  Ha.

You know, Max has his moments.  He throws fits, he's not always the best listener, but he really is SUCH a great kid.  He keeps us laughing (usually without meaning to) and is a very good brother.  He loves to pretend to be a tough ninja, but will also play barbies with his sister and tell his friends its cool to do that when they say that only girls play with dolls.  He has so much personality packed into his 35 lb. body.  I feel privileged to be his mom.

Good news, bad news, random news

The very good news?  I don't have intraceptic cholestasis.  The bad news?  I still itch like crazy.

Yesterday was a little better and I thought, If this is all I have to deal with then I can totally hang in here for another 3-4 weeks when the little man decides to come on his own.  Today?  Not so much.  Today the feeling is more like small pins poking me all over.  Kelly was snuggling against me and her hair rubbing my arm about sent me through the roof.  It was sad. So I know that I want to get to at least 38 weeks, but we may be talking induction with the doctor on Monday?  Or maybe not.  As Ty told me last night, "You're a very confusing woman."  I am in tears almost every night before bed because it hurts so much, but I also don't want to rush things.  Ty also said that I am kind of granola. (Both comments were made in humor and with love, promise...plus they're kind of true.)  I really do like unmedicated births.  And I did the Pitocin routine with Max for 13 hours without an epidural (they did finally allow me an epidural which is when things started rolling) and I know that I am not a big fan.  Ty thinks that I should get the pitocin, get an epidural, and enjoy the ride.  I have an appt. with the doc on Monday, so for now I'll just get through each day.  I don't know that we'll make a decision on Monday either.  We'll see how far I can get taking it one day at a time.  I've run a stinking marathon, so I can do this, right?!  The difference there is that I knew where the finish line was.  Max and Kelly were both 5 days early...Everett was 5 days late.  Oy.  Late would be hard to swallow with this itchy business.

Okay, enough of my whining.  I am sick of hearing myself talk about it and I'm sure everyone around me is tired of hearing about it.  I apologize.

So I think we have settled on a name for our little fella!  I'm not disclosing it on the blog until he's born though.  I've shared it as a consideration with a few people and have received some harsh reactions.  But I realized that I don't really care.  I care about the people, just not their opinion on what I name my child. So I guess I shouldn't have shared, huh?  I should know better.  AND if any of them heard Everett say the name, they would fall in love with it too.  Oh my goodness, that little boy is sweet.

Speaking of Everett D...brother is in a toddler bed!  We made the switch last Saturday and have had no problems.  Easiest transition of our three kids.  I know it helps that he is in there with Max and Kelly.  I gave them the charge to teach Ev the ropes of staying in his bed.  It was so fun that first night to stand outside the door and listen to them talk.  He LOVES his older brother and sister.  They were all so excited.  Ty did have to go in a few times that first night to get them to settle down, and the first night Everett ended up on the floor a few times (Kelly came in to go potty about 4 am and sleepily, but urgently, told me, "Everett is sleeping on the FLOOR!"), but since then it's been great.

Max still says funny things, here are a few I posted on Facebook recently:
Last night Max went to watch Ty's basketball game. Max's friend from Kindergarten was there and he told me they played a lot of the game. Ty's team lost and I asked Max if his friend's dad was on the opposite team or on Dad's team. He said, "No, he was on the other team. But it didn't, like, effect our friendship or anything. We're still friends" :)


Tonight we were telling Ty about the day and I mentioned how Max had written the best #4 (it really was pretty and he doesn't always take time to do his best on numbers, so it was noteworthy) on his homework. Max explained to us that you can do a line down, over, and then the line all the way down OR do the line all the way down first and go over and up. He told us that he does the line all the way down first and then goes over up and then matter-of-factly added, "It's just how I roll." There are probably a lot of 5-year-olds who say that, but it's not a common phrase in our abode and I had no idea where he'd heard it before so it cracked me up.


Well!  Hasn't this been a random post?  I think that's a theme that emerges for me on my blog toward the end of each pregnancy....

The end is in sight...

...but it feels like an eternity.

The end of pregnancy is not easy on any woman, I believe.  My sister-in-law once said that they call it delivery not only because you deliver the baby, but because the mom is so ready to be delivered from being an uncomfortable pregnant momma.  More like, "Deliver me!"  I totally agree with that.

My skin is so raw.  Every night I scratch my skin until I bleed and I cannot help it.  People (my Max who has eczema and has heard this a million times, included) tell me, "Try not to scratch."  But I cannot explain the itch, people, and it really doesn't make it worse.  I posted about my PUPPP rash before, but there has been a new development in the past week.  PUPPP stinks, but it's more manageable than what began on Monday night.  Suddenly my legs, feet and hands felt like they were absolutely crawling (plus the PUPPP itch I am used to).  But this felt different and there is no visible rash.  It got much worse at night and on Thursday night had me in tears and asking for a blessing.  And, as I told the nurse when I called the doc's office the next day, "I'm no wimp."  I was waking up to scratch a couple of times a night for about 20-60 minutes at a time.

Well, Thursday morning I thought, "Maybe this is just a thing a lot of pregnant women deal with and I just don't know about it."  So I hopped on the internet to see if there was anything they or their doctors recommended they do to get some sleep and relief.  I found a lot of rash explanations and it turns out a LOT of women do deal with itchiness.  But most of it sounded different.  Until I read about a crazy itch that effects mostly the hands and feet, but can be all over, comes on later in the third trimester, and gets much worse at night.  "Hey, that sounds like this!"  Then I read about what causes it and that it can cause serious problems for the baby - including stillbirth.  It's due to a problem with the liver.  I called Ty at work and told him I shouldn't read about medical conditions on the internet and that I had just freaked myself out a little.  I explained what I'd read and he suggested I call the doctors in the family.  I decided I would.  I sent a text explaining my symptoms and was told by my brother-in-law that it was probably PUPPP related, but could be something more serious and to call my doctor.  I did.  I talked to the triage nurse who said she wouldn't see my doc until the morning and suggested he might want to check my billirubin levels.  That night was awful itch-wise, but brought the blessing and peace that I mentioned above.

The next morning I called back and talked to a different nurse who did finally talk to the doctor who said that he wanted me to get some blood work done - a liver panel and another test called the Serum Bile Acid Test.  I was glad that those were the tests he wanted to do because I hadn't mentioned anything I had read, he just went off of my symptoms and we were on the same page.  I got the blood work done on Friday and the SBA test takes several days to get back. So I guess we'll see.

I am feeling like that isn't likely to be the problem because it is pretty uncommon, but whatever this is is not cool.  I am raw from my neck to my fingertips to my toes.  I have scabs everywhere.  I dread the night.  BUT the day does bring some relief, for which I am so thankful. This morning in the shower I had to step out of the water and cry because everything hurt when the water hit me. I am 36 weeks today, so if this isn't anything worrisome and is, in fact, PUPPP related, then I guess I will just have to buck up and deal for another 4 weeks or so.  I know that this will be a distant memory and feel every bit worth it once I have my babe in my arms.  If it is that condition, though, they will want to induce (from what I've read) since it can cause problems for the baby.  Not sure when, but likely soon.  I really do feel like everything will be fine either way.  I am very thankful to live in a time with the medical advances that we enjoy so that I can have that peace.  Except during one of my scratching sessions last night I started to think about how I haven't been feeling this little man move as much the last several days...I do feel him, but he's not as crazy as usual and it's not as often.  I'm probably wrong, but it kept me awake for a long time, pushing on my belly until I finally got him to budge and move a little.  Poor kid. :)

For now I will wear longer sleeves so people don't have to look at my scabby elbows, and nylons to church today for the same scabby reason.  And I will live up the daytime hours before the itch returns with a vengeance at night.  And I'll see my doctor tomorrow for our regular appt.  And we'll finish getting ready for this babe just in case he is coming sooner than later.  Either way, the end IS in sight.  And that end will bring a sweet smelling baby who we already love so much.

CELEBRATE good times!

I realized I never posted pictures of how we celebrated The Ev Man and Kelly's birthdays.  I decided to remedy that this afternoon.

Everett's birthday celebrations....they were simple.  Presents in the morning, church, and then a few very dear friends (the Lintons and the Kents) came to sing and share birthday cake that evening.  This little boy is stinkin' adorable.  I love him lots.  He has entered the Why? stage and I think it's a hoot.  His other favorite question is, "What ______ means?" And he asks it about every word that comes out of my mouth.  The other day he was in the kitchen with me, got a little smile on his face, and said (while pointing to the kid stool) "I gonna nuggle.  I gonna nuggle with that!"  I asked, "You're going to snuggle with the stool?!"  "Yeah!" Then he laid down and rested his head on the stool and sweetly said, "Ohhhh". Random.  And funny. Often throughout the day he will lean his head on my shoulder and say, "Love you, Mama."  Brother has my number.  Big time.  And he had a GREAT birthday...loved every minute of it.

 

 

 One of the little folk - I think Kelly? Maybe Max? - took pictures of some of the crew...

And on her birthday Kell Bo Bell was very spoiled with presents and attention from SO many wonderful friends and family.  Each time one of my kids has a birthday it makes me realize how blessed we are with the "family" we have here in Washington, none of whom are related by blood.  A dear friend dropped by that morning with a bouquet of pink roses for the birthday girl, the gifts were abundant, the friends and games were so fun, the sweets were flowing, and Kelly stayed in her princess dress from Halloween (LOVE getting mileage out of that dress!) until about 6:30 when she got a little rip in the front (don't you worry, I've already sewed it up).  We decorated crowns during the Princess Birthday Brunch and Kelly insisted on having that on most of the day as well.  She had, after all, spent over 30 minutes meticulously decorating and strategically placing stickers on it after everyone had left.  That night was chicken pockets for dinner per Kelly's request and then some family friends (Lintons and Kellys) joined us to sing and eat cake.  It was a perfect day!

 Ev, Max, Kynnedy, Jocelyn, Kelly, Reyes, and Eliza

I just have to add a little note about Max.  He is such a sweet brother.  He was SO excited for each birthday, especially to help with Kelly's Princess Brunch.  He insisted on a bow tie so that he could be a server and he was so happy for her all day.  When I was doing her hair that morning, Max was walking by the bathroom, looked in and gasped and then said, "She looks SO beautiful!"  And during the Freeze Dance game (for which I was playing some rockin' tunes) I looked in to see Max and Kelly slow dancing with each other. :)  Then Reyes took her turn slow dancing with the Prince of the party.  I love those kids of mine.  A whole heapin' lot.

Happy Birthday, indeed!  Now on to the BIRTH of Babe Foster #4.