This may seem silly, but I have really been looking into my soul as to why I feel this huge resistance. After all, progression of seasons will bring me closer to all of those fall and winter celebrations and joys, plus holding this new babe in my arms. But I think that may be part of it. I am nervous about being a mom of 3. Everyone says how hard 3 is. The other part is that next week Tyler is starting his for real schedule that he'll be keeping with school for the next two years. Part of me doesn't want to know how hard it's going to be having him gone. Last week was a taste (although the schedule was different) and then he was called into work on Sunday and I went to Church solo. By Sunday night I was feeling pretty lonely. I kept telling myself that there are women who do much more solo work and that I should buck up...but it didn't work. I'm not used to it yet. The kids have been really great, we've had a lot of fun together and done some fun projects around the house to keep us busy. There is so much to be happy about; my heart just feels a little heavy still. I think some serious prayer (possibly a blessing?) is in order.
I WILL love fall this year. Even though the calendar says it starts today, it may not officially begin in my heart until next week.
**Does Max know I am having a pity-party for one? During the writing of this post, Max asks, "Mom, what if we didn't have a house?" That spurred a conversation about how hard it would be and listed off all of the things we wouldn't have, the comforts we wouldn't enjoy, if we were without a home. Thanks, little man, for the reminder.**
3 comments:
I hope you start feeling better soon! I understand your stress with having Ty gone a lot more. Jake has been working TONS of overtime (so much for my cheering for weekends off..:( ) and it is hard pulling a lot of the load on your own. You can do it though, I have faith in you.
Also, if it makes you feel any better three kids was a much easier adjustment for me than two was.
I totally understand the anxiety. You will do great though. Three is harder, it's just another adjustment though. It took about 2 months for me to get a good routine going with my 3rd. At the time it felt like it was never going to get better but by the time he was 4 months old I was looking back and thinking, "that wasn't so hard." So even though while you are in it it may seem like nothing will ever be managable again, I promise, it will pass quickly and then you'll feel like a pro:)
Hey Dana, just read this, been really busy. All of those reasons would definitely put some extra anxiety into anyone, but just so you know you're not alone with the fall thing. For years I've felt the same way, I love winter, love the cold, love snow, Thanksgiving, Christmas, everything. But for some reason I feel weird when it all first starts and moves into fall. Of course that could just be my body getting used to anything less than 100 F but I doubt it. Don't worry, 'this too shall pass'. Love you
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