Report

I am completely overwhelmed...with all of the LOVE. I don't know what I expected when I put my guts on my blog for the world to see, but I wasn't totally prepared for the love I would feel from so many. Yesterday was such a tender day - I received several phone calls of support and every time I checked my blog there was a new comment.

THANK YOU

THANK YOU

THANK YOU

I put some of your advice into action right away. I called and got myself out of something I had committed to that was stressing me out. It felt so good! While there are many commitments that I have to keep, and some that I want to keep for my own sanity (running and doing the races), I am going to be very careful with how I use my time for the next little bit. I feel like the pure happiness will creep back in as the anxiety over schedules subsides.

Also, you may remember that I'm a bit of a guilt-aholic. I think that has a lot to do with my issues. So yesterday I started to form an "It's Okay!" list in my head:

• It's okay that there are smudges on the front of my fridge
• It's okay that the floors haven't been mopped for two weeks
• It's okay that there are still little bits of Max's hair from the haircut I gave him two weeks ago on my bathroom counter
• It's okay that I was in my pj's until 2:00 p.m. yesterday
• It's okay if I miss a day or two of running
• It's okay to not attractively fit into my pre-babe jeans yet
• It's okay that the kids watched a movie on Tuesday night and then again on Wednesday morning while I did school work
• It's okay to sometimes overreact to my kids acting out as long as I try harder to be patient the next time
• It's okay to wish that Everett would take a bottle so that I could be away for more than a few hours at a time
• It's okay to feel sad and overwhelmed sometimes

Thanks, friends. I can't tell you how much I love you and how much I needed your words yesterday. I guess this blogging business is good for more than just posting about how cute our kids are and the rad lives we lead. It felt good to get my feelings written out and helped me to decide to take some steps forward. When you're in the middle of the "darkness" it's hard too see the way out, so your advice was, indeed, welcomed and much of it will be heeded. Thank you.

I also have to say how grateful I am for a loving husband. He is my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, my greatest support. He's the one who will be by my side, literally, and help me to walk out of this valley. I keep thinking of how he joined me during the last mile of my marathon - it was the time I thought I would be feeling "I've got this" but instead felt "I have no idea how I'm going to finish this". And then my man shows up and starts running next to me. Oh man. He helped to get me through and he'll do it again...and again and again. As many times as I need him. Because that's what this marriage business is all about.

And I will come out on the other side of this a little stronger and a little closer to my Father in Heaven. Because that's what this life business is all about.