Max started nursery last week and I was so busy with other issues that Ty took Max in and dropped him off. I had been kind of emotional about it that morning, but didn't really get a chance to think about it since someone else needed me for a moment, which was good. Max seemed to love it and was excited to see us at the end of the block. I was happy that everything went so well!Today I wanted to drop him off and he went in and started playing right away. I left the room a happy mom. Then they brought him to me a little while into Young Women. They thought his diaper had leaked and he had accidentally seen his dad so he was feeling sad. I checked the diaper, but he must have just sat in some water. I then took him back into the nursery where he sat down to color. He was happy to be there and so I left quickly. I just peeked in the window to make sure that he wasn't going to freak when he realized I had left...well, I looked just as his little friend, Adam, was hitting him repeatedly in the head as fast and hard as he could. I fought the impulse to run in, thinking that one of the teachers would see it. But after a few more whacks and seeing Max go from confused to super sad and hurt, I went in and got him. I'm pregnant and Max is my first babe and I've cried about this at least three times since.
I totally know that things like this are going to happen in his life. I have been there when he's been hit many times by this same little boy. Adam is our neighbor and his mom is one of my best friends. He has just been hitting a lot for the past few months. I know it's a phase and Adam is a sweetheart. His poor parents have been at a loss. He's stopped hitting most kids, just not Max. He's bigger than Max, I guess that's why. I get that Max is going to be hit and hurt in his life. The hard thing for me today was realizing that I won't always be there to protect/comfort him. The teachers have their hands full and can't see everything that goes on. Max isn't their priority like he is mine. It broke my heart, truth be told. Just the look on his face the whole time it was happening...it makes me teary now. I know that every mom goes through this. I just don't want to take him somewhere that he doesn't feel protected and I also don't want him to be afraid of nursery.
This was a hard situation for me to watch, but the reason it has me so emotional is not because of what happened exactly, but because of some things I realized as a result about being a mom and protecting your child from all harm. On a larger scale it has made me think ahead about his life. He's going to get knocked down in different ways and aspects. It's a fact and a necessary part of life. Friends, school, sports, relationships... I just hope that he always feels the safety, love and support of his family, no matter where he is or what he's dealing with. I hope to give him the foundation that he needs to pick himself up after those knocks. I am realizing (and I know this sounds silly after a tiny run-in with another little boy) that motherhood is going to have some heartbreak. It's made me think of so many things today. I've thought a lot about the Atonement. I understand why Heavenly Father had to turn away as the Savior suffered in Gethsemane. Heavenly Father's love surpasses my own. The Savior's sacrifice surpasses anything Max will have to go through. But I feel like I have a minuscule taste of that overwhelming love and protection that a parent feels for their child. It is beyond anything I've ever known.
So next week Max will go back to the nursery. I'll talk to my friend, Marcela, who is a teacher and just ask her to keep a close eye on that little friendship. Maybe he'll be hit again and he'll cry and someone will eventually notice and be there to comfort him. It's just hard to realize that "someone" isn't always going to be me. That's been my biggest realization today. Up until now Tyler and I have been "it" in his life. Always near, always available, always able to lend immediate comfort...but I know that won't always be the case. Life moves forward and we live and learn. I know that Max has forgotten all about it and he'll probably love nursery again next week. This was much more of a lesson for the mom than for her little man this time...
15 comments:
Poor guy. We taught Nursery for like 8 months, best time of my life. It depends on the Ward though.
Caleb goes in to nursery in 6 weeks. We are at a loss though too, becuase he has serious food allergies. (Like Ambulance to the emergency room, one night type allergies) and we aren't sure how to handle it. He's allergic to milk, beef, and egg. And seeing as Goldfish and Cheez-It's are a nursery staple....
One Cheez-It and he'd be dead. Should be fun.
I am so sorry. It is so hard to realize that someone might not like or what the best for your babies. You are right he will go back next week and love it and you will move on a much wiser mother.
It's funny how kids bounce back. If someone hit me like that I bet I wouldn't forget:)
I can understand how that would be hard for you and any mom. I think about this sometimes when I am teaching, because I have 26 kids who want my attention and it's tough to give it. There is so much that goes on that I don't know about. Ok.. that doesn't help I know. BUT I just think about what I would want my child's teacher to do, and it helps me to treat each student a little differently. I look at it like a sacred trust. I don't think that makes sense.
I often hear that a good teacher can't make up for a bad mom, but a good mom can make up for a bad teacher. I am NOT saying that the primary teacher is a bad teacher but Max might get bad teachers throughout his life but you will make up for that. You will always be his safe haven. If you were one of my students mom's I would be so happy, because I would know that he is getting the love he needs from his mother. You're a wonderful mom and a great person.
Dana I was once a puching bag for the whole 1st grade class, but look how I ended up. So don't worry there is hope!J/K
I think what Kristen said is very true. I always knew growing up that if I was getting picked on or if things were hard at school, that I could go home and find a little love to lean on. Max has the same opportunity which is all he really needs to through tough stuff, which you are right, will come. A home with a righteous dad and loving mom will give Max all he needs and more.
I am sorry that Max had to go through this and that you have had to as well. We have been there with Haden and Grant with some kids. It is not fun and really I don't think gets any better with each kids, at least for me it hasn't. It isn't fair, it is hard and breaks your heart. I think you have done a great job with sorting through it all, with figuring out how things will work for you. I am always amazed at how much kids forgive and forget. They move on so quickly and in the end even after being knocked down or hit repeatedly they still love that person and want to be with them. When it would/does happen with Haden or Grant part of me wants them to hit them back (no that is not the answer, I know) but just to be able to defend themselves. Instead they take it and be upset for a minute and then are back to playing and having fun. If we could all be as forgiving as these kids, huh? I hope that someone can help to protect Max how you would like him to be! Again I am sorry you have had to deal with this. Love ya!!
Oh Dana my heart is tender because of your post. It's a hard reality to know that you can't ALWAYS protect your children and that sometimes they will get hurt, physically or emotionally. I think your point about them knowing they are loved at home when those knocks come is so important. You are a fantastic mom and Dana....I MISS YOU!
Dana,
I too have had the feelings that you had on Sunday with our kids over the years. So many memories and so many times I have kinda felt what you did. First anger, and righteous indignation, the worry about the child, then some sort of knew jerk reaction on how I was going to 'solve' the issue and on and on.
I know this doesn't help much Dana...but Max will do just fine in life. You two will provide the foundation in his life that he will need. We can't protect our children from all the evil in the world(not that the little guy in the nursury is at all evil), but he undoubtedly caused confusion and some fear in the little Maxter's mind. I'm sure the teacher will get a handle on it but don't feel at all like you are out of place to tell the teacher about your concerns. I think too often (this is really true in the youth programs) we are afraid to talk to parents about issues with their kids due to the fear that they will resent it, be offended and react badly. But I really think we do the child or the parents no favors by ignoring or saying to ourselves it is not our issue when we observe something that is wrong. I know for one, I would appreciate and have appreciated other adults telling me about my children when things haven't been just right. I have welcomed that kind of insight from others as we parents sometimes can look at our own children through rose colored glasses.
I really think our job as parents is not to say to ourselves, "I'm going to protect my children from all the negative things they will face in their lives!" Rather, our job, I think, is to provide them with a foundation of character, knowing right from wrong, kindness and concenrn for others and always trying to do that right thing, that they will get through those rough times they will face.
I for one, know I have breathed a huge sigh of relief when our boys have gotten through their high school years relatively safely and unscathed as they went to college and their missions and got on with their lives and grown into the men and husbands and father that they are.
You will have the same feelings for Max when he goes on his mission and will likewise breathe a great sigh of relief that he made it and is finally able to "fly" on his own due to you and Tyler's understanding of proper teaching and loving and corrections as needed. Max will be fine....I hope the Mom can make it through his life, as it will be hard to see him be disappointed, hurt or mistreated but he will have you and Ty and his siblings and family to fall back on. You will hurt for him many times more than he hurts for himself. I have all confidence that he will be a strong, righteous and wonderful child, youth and man because of how you guys are raising him. I know a village helps in raising a child, but it will never replace a righteous mom and Dad raising him and loving him and teaching him.
Hang in there....you guys are terrific examples of what all children need in life.
As Goose says, look how he turned out.......maybe not the best example but it works.
Love ya girl,
dad
My heart goes out to you! I feel so overwhelmed sometimes thinking about what our little ones will face in this life, especially knowing what I faced - WAY back when - but I guess that is why they say that the Lord saved the strongest little spirits for these latter days. And you can SEE it in them too! It is amazing to watch them.
I just got released from being the Nursery Supervisor about a month ago and know what bedlam it can be in there (have I mentioned that we had FIVE nurseries??? soon to be six) It can be a real challenge blending so many kids from such different backgrounds and standards in behavior etc. I am sure Max will end up loving nursery, and I guess it will help prepare you for some of the harder knocks in life that precious little one will face.
Eli goes into nursery in three more weeks. I must confess, I am excited to be able to sit through an entire lesson for the first time in a year and a half!!
You don't know me and I am hoping you are who I think you are...I am a friend of Jen Mann's who I think could be your sister in law (if not feel free to erase this comment). I am trying to get in touch with her and the cell number I had for her is not hers anymore. Would you mind e-mailing me her new number at tbmax03@gmail.com. Of course, I would expect you to check with Jenn first. Tell her Tara (Bingham) Maxfield is looking for her. Thanks!
Sorry for dropping in on your blog!
Hey Dana, I just found your site through Amanda's blog.
You look great. Way to go with the triathalon thing.
Best,
melia
Parenting is so hard! Honestly it can be overwhelming but always rewarding. I too understand how it feels to watch your kid get hurt by another child. Ashley has a cousin on Jake's side that seriously hits her constantly and I get so upset! It's so hard not to get upset and freak out.
I think that you are doing the right thing. I would mention to the teacher to keep her eye out so she is aware of the problem. You are a great Mom and Max is so lucky to be your child.
That is so sad! Poor little Max. It sounds like you really handled the situation well though. The really awesome thing is that you didn't react with malice or anger. That is such a great example for little Max.
Poor Max! But don't you worry, he'll bounce back. One one the wonderful mixed blessings of childhood is a very short memory.
The urge to protect our children from external damaging forces is a strong one, and as kids get older it is increasingly difficult to know when to intervene to protect them, or when to let them learn through the school of hard knocks.
There's some middle ground that only someone with deep love for the child and an understanding of his/her temperament and capacity can discern . . . and that would be the parent.
As Crush said in Finding Nemo when asked about how to tell when a child is ready to go out into the scary world: "When they know, you'll know, you know?"
Dude.
To the best mom ever--
I love how emotional you are about this because it really doesn't have anything to do with Max getting hit.. it's that protective, loving, natural motherhood instinct in you that wants to keep him safe, always. And it's so true, thinking about how Heavenly Father feels, not only for Christ, but for all of us. He wants so badly for us to love each other and to be happy-- Parenting is so wonderful because we are SOOOO emotionally invested... but our kids do have to learn on their own-- and humility (and gratitude) comes from NOT having everything every time they want it or need it. Anyway, I love that you have been crying all week. Max is a lucky boy and that little girl will have just as much of a tug on your heart.. You and Ty are both such wonderful parents! And I LOVE the comments from your family. You have the best inlaws ever. Ty's dad is so cute!.. that's probably where he gets it.
Oh-- one last thing. I was watching an interview with "Baby Jessica" who fell in that well in Texas 20 years ago. She went through so much as a little toddler and barely survived. And what was interesting to me is that she can't remember a single thing of the entire incident... not a single memory of it (and that was a HUGE deal.) So of course Max can handle a few slaps to the head, right? Whenever Aaron and I discuss what is best for the kids, we usually end up saying, "they won't remember anyway." It always makes me feel better :) That's all from me--- for now!
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