School. It's hard for me, people. It's hard to send my little man to school. I have issues. My sister says it's our mom's fault because she always wanted us home too. I agree. Totally mom's fault.
Kindergarten was hard to handle at first, but it was in the afternoon and we could still have lazy mornings and go do something fun, eat lunch, and then he was gone for a little over 3 hours. It kind of felt like a play date...where he learned about civil rights and how to make your own wood and simple math and how to read. But still play-date-ish because it wasn't super long.
I've known for some time that my firstborn babe would be starting the 1st grade. I wasn't sure I could be up for the all-day business of 1st grade. I love having Max at home. He is creative and funny and inquisitive and a good big brother {most of the time}. All summer, thoughts of 1st grade would be at the edge of my mind and I would brush them away.
Until, one day, I couldn't.
I was grocery shopping at WinCo. I was looking for french vanilla pudding to make Sand Pudding with the kids {summer bucket list item}. I glanced to the right and saw the Jello pudding packs and thought, "I'll pick one up for the kids" because they like them and I don't buy them very often and thought it would be fun to surprise them. That's just the kind of big spender I am. Then I thought that it would be fun to buy them every once in a while to put in Max's lunch for school this year. Then I fully realized that Max was going to eat lunch at school. Then I thought about the date {August 24th} and that this would probably be my last shopping trip before he started school! Then I started to cry. Then I searched through the flavors to find the ones he would like the very best {still crying} and put them in the cart. Then I realized that if I didn't hurry through the store everyone at WinCo was going to see my ugly cry. I even forgot to get Juanita's tortilla chips!
As soon as I hit my car, the flood gates opened. Hiccuping, serious business crying. I unloaded my cart while the tears freely flowed. I felt frantic and wanted to shrink all of my kids. I wanted to homeschool {Tyler says that not being able to let go isn't a good enough reason for homeschooling...we've had that conversation a time or two :) ...and I know I lack the patience anyway}. I felt like I needed to talk to someone who's sent their kids to school and survived it. I immediately called my sister, Bethany. I'm not sure what she thought when she answered to my tears and blubbering, but when I finally explained why I was calling, she said, "Oh, sweetie, yes...." and everything after that made me feel better. She was the perfect person to talk to {mom of 5, 4 in school, PTA President, sister who already knows I am a little crazy}. We talked for a while and I got my blubbering under control. I got home and Ty met me in the driveway to help with groceries. I said, "I had a breakdown at the store {again with the tears}...I have to buy stuff for lunches for Max..." He knew just what I was talking about. He got his sweet husband smile because he loves me and my craziness, hugged me, and said, "We'll have him buy lunches, then. Okay? Problem solved." Ha! He knew that wasn't what I meant and knew that would make me laugh and pull me out of the emotion for a minute. I love him.
Anyway, a good cry did me some good. I wish I could say that it was the last time I cried about Max starting first grade...but I'll always remember the night I had a breakdown in WinCo. Darn Jello pudding packs.
3 comments:
I seriously know how you feel. Though a year away, Will is going to attend ALL DAY kindergarten (that is, if we stay here. I told Josh I will move w/o him if it comes to that because I am NOT sending my little boy to school all day. Period, the end!) It is really, really hard to let our kids go. And I have seriously entertained the thought of homeschooling, too, just to have Will with me (I couldn't do it, though, it's good for both of us to have some separation--just not ALL DAY). I laughed at Tyler's astute observation about it, though. I hope you all are surviving. Good luck!
Oh Dana! I can SO relate. Neal and I have had the same conversation about homeschooling (it is so tempting to just keep them home!;). First grade is hard, the day is so long! We are still adjusting over at our house too, although, I have a newborn to distract me a bit.:) And, yes, if you forgot the Juanita chips that had to have been a serious breakdown, because those things are the BEST!
What lucky kids you have!
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