Clumsy

I get those weekly e-mail baby updates - what the baby looks like, how your body and life is changing. Yes, this is my fourth child, but heck if I can remember the week-by-week stuff! Just last week it was talking about how your center of gravity is off now and to be more careful.  That ain't no joke, folks.

I fell last night.  It was awful.  We were walking in the parking lot, headed into Max's first basketball game (SO cute).  I was carrying Everett D.  Kelly decided to cross right in front of me and I didn't see her (you know, big baby bump and a toddler in one arm).  My foot caught hers and the stumble began.  Except it wasn't straight down.  I was trying to recover and in the process of trying to recover, I was hurling myself and my almost-2-year-old straight toward a curb about 5 feet in front of us.  I remember thinking, "I can recover, I can recover, I can...oh my gosh, lift your arm, don't let Ev hit the curb...oh my gosh, the baby!"  Then, THUD.  Immediately I threw up a little because the impact was so intense.  Everything hurt, but my immediate worry was Everett.  Tyler (who'd been walking next to me but couldn't catch us in time) was most worried about me.  I stood up and realized I couldn't really breathe because the fall had knocked the wind out of me.  I wanted to cry so much, but I mostly wanted to check out Ev and calm him down.  After that was accomplished (he has just one tiny bruise on his hip where he hit the curb, poor fella), I felt like I wanted to go back to the van and cry - not just because it hurt, but because it was so traumatic to have put two of my kids at risk.  But moms can't always do that and this was one of those times that I needed to brush it off and head into the basketball game.  It was a loooong 10 minutes or so before I felt the babe move in my belly.  Very scary for me.  I was trying to act normal all through the game, but it felt a little difficult to breathe and there was a lot of pressure on my insides.

We got home from the game and Tyler ordered me upstairs to lie down.  By this time my knees and back and neck were all pretty stiff.  And I was also feeling bummed about the new pair of jeans I'd gotten from Old Navy last Friday on a 50% off of their clearance sale (they were $8.99 and fit SO well) because they'd ripped at the knee.  I know, trivial, but it added insult to injury.  Do you know how hard it has been to find jeans I like the fit of?  Ugh.  I laid there, still feeling that same threat of a hard-core cry coming on, hoping that my baby would start wiggling like crazy the way he normally does when I lie down.  He did get some good wiggles going and I was so grateful.  Tyler had started putting the kids down and then a young man came over about 9:00 p.m. for Eagle Project stuff so I finished reading stories and sang some songs to Max and Kelly.  Everett was already asleep.  I went back to my room to lie down and thought I had remembered my little sister had fallen during her pregnancy, so I texted her about it to see if she went to the Dr. (she hadn't fallen).  Then I felt like crying more.  Then I talked it out with Ty and cried a little.  I had dreams about my baby all night.

I feel better this morning and the babe is back to his usual wiggly self.  The pressure is mostly gone.  I'm sore and can't bend my knee very well.  But mostly, I am so thankful everything - and everyone - is okay.  It was a reminder about how quickly things can change, a very small and mostly non-threatening reminder.  It made me feel so grateful.  It was also a reminder about how dependent these little people are on me.  I am very grateful to be a mom.  It's also really scary and sometimes makes me just want MY mom.

Promises have been made (to the hubs) to carry Everett less and less and to be more and more careful and aware of that whole center of gravity shift.  Hopefully that's the scariest thing I have to deal with for the rest of this pregnancy...