On Motherhood...

I am defined by a lot of things...my religion, my calling at Church, my marital status, my friendships and family relationships, and right now I have a belly that pokes out far beyond my toes that is carrying my first child. I just can't help the tears from forming in the corner of my eyes as I type that last bit. I am overwhelmed by SO many feelings as I prepare for the biggest calling of my life! And while my responsibilities will differ from Tyler's in raising and caring for Maxwell, this is the greatest adventure that we have had together, and that makes my love for him (my dear husband) even greater.

I married Tyler, as you all know, coming up on a year and a half ago. It was a whirlwind romance and before we knew it, we were being sealed for time and all eternity in the House of the Lord. I felt that I knew a lot about him at the time, even for having such a short courtship. And, surprisingly, I really think that I did. I knew the most important things that allowed me to make that most important decision. Everything that I have learned since then has been a HUGE bonus! Tyler is even more than I ever could have hoped for. Truly. Last night I was thinking of how life has been with Tyler. (Again, the tears are flowing...what can I say? I've got a few extra hormones!) I am continually impressed with what a wonderful man he is. Our friendship grows stronger all the time. He is so very smart and intuitive. He is patient with his sweet wife. He has amazing ideas and ambitions that, when applied, are going to change the world. I absolutely believe that. He works hard and knows what it is to care for his family in every way. He is amazing in every calling he's given at Church and truly magnifies it. And now I get to see him as a father. He has been trying to wait patiently, but has been ever so anxious. From our conversations and preparations for the little man to be born, I have come to see another side of my husband. Tyler is going to be the kind of father and partner that I had always hoped that I would have in raising children. How was I to know that within our (almost) 3 month courtship? I couldn't have. But I know that Heavenly Father did and He who knows my mind and heart knew that I was getting the man I had prayed for and dreamed about. I am one lucky woman.

And what of my feelings on becoming a mom? I am unsure, nervous, excited, overwhelmed, and filled with more love in my heart than I ever thought possible. And I know that is only going to increase once Max actually enters the world!
As for the physical aspect of life right now...I have a hard time rolling over in bed and I am starting to get just a little bit of swelling. I have gone through bottles of Tums in the past few months. Last night it felt like the little guy was doing a gymnastics routine, or "the wave" with every part of his body, and I could not get to sleep until he calmed down. I am so darn HOT all of the time! :) I cannot imagine going through the late stages of pregnancy during the summer. I still think that everyone around me must be hot as well and I continue to ask them even though the answer is usually "no". I try to milk this time to get as many backrubs as I can from Tyler. All of that being said, however, I am not at all miserable. I feel extremely blessed to have had a healthy and relatively easy pregnancy. I love to feel him move and try to guess what body part is sticking out of my side. I love to imagine what he will look like and what his personality is going to be - will he be good and easy-going like his dad, or will he be spirited and throw tantrums like his mom? (I'm talking about as a child; I try not to throw tantrums anymore :) ) I think that my big belly is beautiful. It will be strange to have my body be only mine again. I am just weeks away from taking on the title and responsibility that I have been preparing for and thinking about for the last 10 or more years. I only hope that I can be the mom that Maxwell needs me to be and help him to become who he is meant to be.

The curtain goes up very soon, and although there has been a great deal of hope, prayer, and preparation, I go on stage without a single rehearsal. I am sure there will be critics, but the only opinion I value will be that of myself, my husband, children and Father in Heaven. I hope that I make them proud!