A few weeks ago we had Stake Conference. I was attending Saturday night's adult session with Ty and Everett. Ev had had a weird day and I knew it wouldn't be too pleasant for the babysitter if I left him. He's a roamer these days, so I spent a lot of time toward the back of the gym. At one point I looked at the sea of hair (remember, I was in the back of the room) and I was overcome with love and emotion for all of the people under that hair. I looked at them, looking at the speaker, listening to the words being said...they came because they are trying to do what is right and want to have the Spirit and want to know how to improve. We are all just trying to make it in this world, doing the very best that we can to be good people, be kind, and return to live with Heavenly Father. There is never a need for me to judge someone based on decisions that they make. Even the wrong decisions are generally not made because we think, "I think I will ruin my life and the lives of those that I love today" or "I think that I want to hurt her feelings". We are all just trying to make it in this world, folks. Lets lift and love and support one another, no matter how different our approach may be. Well, that's the message I got...a message for me packed with a whole lotta love for everyone I see.
I can't explain why that thought was suddenly so powerful for me, or how many other thoughts and ideas it evoked, but it was followed-up by a Prophet of God at the Relief Society General Broadcast. I think God is trying to tell me something and I have loved the message. Please do yourself a favor if you weren't able to attend and read this talk here. It is life-changing and wonderful! I just got teary-eyed skimming over it when I was posting the link.
I bore my testimony during fast and testimony meeting (click to the left to read more about testimony meeting) at Church this month. I've been bothered by something I said ever since. I said something that I have really worried sounded self-righteous. I NEVER want to come across as self-righteous, especially when I'm sharing my heart in a testimony to a group of people who know me on different levels and may have taken it wrong. Should I get up and apologize? I don't think that's appropriate. I kind of want to call every member of my ward and tell them that I don't think I'm all that great or that I have life more figured out than the next guy. In fact, I am just trying my best which isn't all that wonderful most days.
I was able to renew my temple recommend (click to the left to read more about temples) this month. Man, I love that. I love answering those questions. I love searching my heart, finding that I come up short, but realizing that I am striving and that the Savior will make up the difference. I love that my best feels good enough. I love proclaiming my testimony of the Savior and His gospel with a simple word. I love the temple and can't wait for Everett to go without me long enough so that I can attend again. (Ev, if you're reading this, I'm sorry if you're feeling rushed. It's not that I don't love you, brother. It's just that I wish you'd love a bottle once a month or more.)
I need more sleep. That's another thought that's been swimming around. I stay up late doing school work and get up way too early to do some more. It's good, albeit a little rough. I really like the classes I'm taking. And now my head is swimming because it's 11:45 p.m. and I should have been in bed an hour ago. I needed to get this out of my head and onto my blog before checking out tonight. Thanks for listening, friends...or blog...or future generations...whoever spends enough time to get through all of this. :)
2 comments:
I looked at the bottom of this post for a "like" button, lol. But that's how I feel about everything you just said. Love you.
I loved everything you said! Also I don't think there is a need to apologize, If they took it like you were being self righteous then that is wrong on their part, because you were bearing your testimony and you are allowed to say what your heart is feeling. I love you D! Thanks for giving me a better outlook on things, my favorite was the part where you said "we don't wake up thinking "I think I will ruin my life and the lives of those that I love today" or "I think that I want to hurt her feelings"." It's so true :)
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