The Loves of My Life

Oh my! It doesn't get any better than this! I have the two most wonderful men in my life and have embarked on the greatest adventure and calling that I will ever have. I love it, I love it, I love it!

Things are going really, really well. I have been so thankful and amazed at how smooth the transition to motherhood has been. I am especially amazed at how quickly I wake up to tend to him at night and how little sleep I am able to function on. Nursing has been exceptionally easy...I had a half of a day where I was a little sore (engorged possibly) while Margaret was here. I made the comment that I shouldn't complain too much because it had been so easy so far and Margaret quickly - and jokingly - agreed that I deserved to have a little discomfort. But maybe that's what 45 hours of labor buys you! :) Max and I are still learning about each other and his little personality is constantly evolving. I don't know if I do everything right, but it seems to work out and he seems to be thriving. I am also amazed at how quickly I am able to pick up on his little nuances - he likes to be gently bounced on your chest to be put to sleep while you "shh..shh...shh" quietly in his ear. That's during the day, after he has been awake for an hour or so. At night he puts himself to sleep and it's hard to keep him up to eat.

Anyway, the point is that I am in awe of this whole experience. I love Maxwell more than I ever knew that I would or could. I am so excited for the coming months and years! Like Mickey said on Angie's blog, everything is exciting because we're dealing with all of the 'firsts'.

And a comment on the love that I have for Max's dad...the labor & delivery, and now the raising of our son, has shown me a new side of the man that I already loved so much! He is so attentive and kind and compassionate. He was perfect during the whole hospital experience. And he has been such a great dad here at home! I feel like he is a complete partner and is very aware and grateful for all that I do. Max and I are so excited when he gets home every day. He helps me to be a better mom. Our love and relationship has reached a totally new and wonderful level. I am one lucky woman! I'm already looking ahead to the next little person and am excited to bring him or her into this great little family!

Thanks for all of the phone calls and support we have received from you all! Max is excited to meet everyone - Mickey, Adam and Megan will be new faces in just a week's time and then the rest of you mid-July! We love you.

SOLD!

Our car, Sonny Boy, is now under new ownership. Gone. We are, for the time being, a one-car family. I have to say that I expected to feel more sadness in seeing my car leave, but I am just so happy to have the whole thing over with!

Sonny Boy was my first big, albeit somewhat foolish, purchase as an adult. I loved the car. There were so many things that endeared me to it. On a nice sunny day, before the A/C was necessary, the sunroof could either pop up a few inches or open completely depending upon the level of relief one is seeking. Such a nice pearl white exterior made for a classy look while still being a cooler color for the Vegas sun (that's where I was living when I bought the car). The warranty made me sleep better at night. The trunk was oh, so spacious. The V6 engine allowed this lead foot to beat anyone off of the line and get ahead of the crowd. Some told me that it looked like a Jaguar...but I sure wasn't paying a Jaguar price!

Alas, those things are now to be enjoyed no longer by me, but by Linnea whose parents wanted her to have a safe, reliable car. Linnea who, apparently, has never been on insurance before and so we assume has not been driving very long. I hope that Linnea takes care of Sonny Boy and appreciates his finer sides.

As Tyler says, we are sacrificing today for a greater tomorrow. I will love a home much more than I ever loved Sonny Boy. While he'll be missed, I wasn't overly saddened to see him go. Goodbye to the car, but most importantly, goodbye to the super big car payment that we no longer have to make every month! Any sadness I do feel will be lessened and eventually erased when the 28th of each month rolls around without nearly $400.00 coming out of our checking account!

Looking Back

I have been thinking a lot about the reality of what is about to happen. There is no going back! This little person inside of me is going to want to come out and greet the world (hopefully!). Tyler and I are so anxious and excited, as we have mentioned many times. We both had dreams about him being born last night. In Tyler's dream I experienced no pain with the delivery and both myself and the doctor were surprised to see that the baby had already come out! I really like that dream. Ty also said that he was disappointed in the dream because Max wasn't very cute. In my dream, he came out HUGE! The size of a 3-year-old! I was trying to nurse him and just couldn't make it work because he was so big. He had a baby face, but a huge head and body; and again was not very cute. :( I don't think we're really worried about the "cute" factor, but it's funny to me because that seems to be a common theme in our baby dreams.

Even with the dreams and watching "A Baby Story" on TLC, I guess that this pregnancy is just so familiar that I feel like it isn't REALLY going to end. I have shed a few tears in the past few days, though, thinking about not being pregnant anymore. It is the most miraculous thing I have ever been a part of. It is hard for me to express how much I love not only the movements, but the spiritual connection that I share with this baby while he is inside of me. I don't think that I want to really try to express it because it is something quite personal to me. And yet, every woman who has ever been, or ever will be pregnant will have that same opportunity and very similar feelings. I know that there is so much more joy and wonder ahead, but I cannot help mourning the thought of being done with this time and these feelings. I love when he gets the hiccups and I feel him moving consistently for a few minutes. I love to watch the big rolling movements.

These feelings and thoughts have caused me to look back on the past 9 months...

• Back to last July when Tyler and I decided to start trying for a baby and the new level of importance that brought to our marriage.
• Back to late August and the two negative pregnancy tests that gave me the confidence to go to Six Flags New England. I was very relieved to find out that should not have any negative effects on the baby...he just might like roller coasters!
• And just a week later to have two more tests say just the opposite! Back to that day when I first found out and the way that I told Tyler and the state of shock/excitement/awe that we were in.
• Back to telling our families and friends.
• Back to the first ultrasound that caused the doctor to wonder if we hadn't miscarried and the very emotional week until the next ultrasound where we saw our healthy, growing baby for the first time. So tiny, but with a heartbeat and beginning to form!
• Back to the ultrasound just 6 weeks later that left us amazed! Legs and arms were flailing and the little 'gummy bear' we had seen previously had completely transformed and seemed to have quadrupled in size.
• Back to the nausea that I always hoped would get some relief by "losing my lunch", but that only happened two times. I don't know if bacon will ever again be a part of my life. Eggs were hard to handle for a little while, as was chicken.
• Back to the first time I wore a maternity shirt. It was much too big, but the regular clothes weren't fitting and I didn't have much of a choice. Plus I was excited about starting to show! I never thought that I would be big enough to fill in some of the clothes that my friends in New York let me borrow...now some of them are too small! I made Tyler go maternity clothes shopping with me and wanted him to be as excited as I was and react more like my mom or sisters would. Poor guy is so patient with me and was such a great sport.
• Back to the first time we heard the heartbeat. I hope that I never forget the look on Tyler's face when we heard it. It really is the most incredible sound; I love to hear it!
• Back to the December ultrasound with Doc Foster. It was the neatest ultrasound of my pregnancy! And the best ultrasound pictures that we have. I loved having my in-laws there and all of the time that Mark spent looking at our little one. I loved hearing the heartbeat at the same time as seeing him on the screen. And I really did love that month of preparing for a girl...we know that she is up there and we already feel a connection to her.
• Back to the first time I felt him move...I wasn't completely sure and so I called my sister and explained the feeling, which she validated. After that, Tyler would make me lie on my tummy on the floor while he put his hand on my stomach to try and feel the little flutters. It was never successful, but he said that he was the dad and should be able to feel it as well! :)
• Back to the ultrasound with Dr. Skory that showed something we hadn't previously seen - we were having a BOY! It took a little while for that to sink in, but we hadn't ever had a preference and were, of course, thrilled!!!
• Back to everyone around us being able to recognize that I was pregnant. We, and they, thought my belly was big at 6 months! That was the cute stage of my pregnancy. :)
• Back to the first time that Tyler felt him move. Again, I hope that I never forget the look on his face and all of his excitement!
• Back to the baby showers and the New York goodbyes. Lots of sadness that our friends there wouldn't be around to meet the little man.
• Back to meeting Dr. Zarnecki, the cute doc from Poland with a good sense of humor who will be the man to see us through to the end.
• Back to the moving into our apartment after nearly a month in a hotel and being so very anxious and excited to set up the nursery! We got the crib together and not long afterward had the changing table, glider rocker, stroller & car seat all set up and ready to go. And there they still sit, waiting to be used by Maxwell Tyler Foster.
• Back to the beginning of the BIG movements. The kind that change the whole shape of the belly and that Tyler can see, not just feel.
• Back to these past months of sitting in his room and daydreaming about what it will be like when he is here...walking past the room and seeing Tyler in there on the glider rocker doing the same thing.

And now, here we are. Down to weekly appointments (the last of which told us that I am 50% effaced, but not dilated), waiting any day for the big event! As you can tell by the length of this blog, I have a lot of time on my hands. I can't wait for those hands to be busy holding my son and changing his diapers and discovering what it is to be a mother! Soon enough. For now, I love this time to think back and try to cherish this miracle of pregnancy and all that I have physically and emotionally been through to get to this point.

I will never be the same...in many ways. And I am so glad.

On Motherhood...

I am defined by a lot of things...my religion, my calling at Church, my marital status, my friendships and family relationships, and right now I have a belly that pokes out far beyond my toes that is carrying my first child. I just can't help the tears from forming in the corner of my eyes as I type that last bit. I am overwhelmed by SO many feelings as I prepare for the biggest calling of my life! And while my responsibilities will differ from Tyler's in raising and caring for Maxwell, this is the greatest adventure that we have had together, and that makes my love for him (my dear husband) even greater.

I married Tyler, as you all know, coming up on a year and a half ago. It was a whirlwind romance and before we knew it, we were being sealed for time and all eternity in the House of the Lord. I felt that I knew a lot about him at the time, even for having such a short courtship. And, surprisingly, I really think that I did. I knew the most important things that allowed me to make that most important decision. Everything that I have learned since then has been a HUGE bonus! Tyler is even more than I ever could have hoped for. Truly. Last night I was thinking of how life has been with Tyler. (Again, the tears are flowing...what can I say? I've got a few extra hormones!) I am continually impressed with what a wonderful man he is. Our friendship grows stronger all the time. He is so very smart and intuitive. He is patient with his sweet wife. He has amazing ideas and ambitions that, when applied, are going to change the world. I absolutely believe that. He works hard and knows what it is to care for his family in every way. He is amazing in every calling he's given at Church and truly magnifies it. And now I get to see him as a father. He has been trying to wait patiently, but has been ever so anxious. From our conversations and preparations for the little man to be born, I have come to see another side of my husband. Tyler is going to be the kind of father and partner that I had always hoped that I would have in raising children. How was I to know that within our (almost) 3 month courtship? I couldn't have. But I know that Heavenly Father did and He who knows my mind and heart knew that I was getting the man I had prayed for and dreamed about. I am one lucky woman.

And what of my feelings on becoming a mom? I am unsure, nervous, excited, overwhelmed, and filled with more love in my heart than I ever thought possible. And I know that is only going to increase once Max actually enters the world!
As for the physical aspect of life right now...I have a hard time rolling over in bed and I am starting to get just a little bit of swelling. I have gone through bottles of Tums in the past few months. Last night it felt like the little guy was doing a gymnastics routine, or "the wave" with every part of his body, and I could not get to sleep until he calmed down. I am so darn HOT all of the time! :) I cannot imagine going through the late stages of pregnancy during the summer. I still think that everyone around me must be hot as well and I continue to ask them even though the answer is usually "no". I try to milk this time to get as many backrubs as I can from Tyler. All of that being said, however, I am not at all miserable. I feel extremely blessed to have had a healthy and relatively easy pregnancy. I love to feel him move and try to guess what body part is sticking out of my side. I love to imagine what he will look like and what his personality is going to be - will he be good and easy-going like his dad, or will he be spirited and throw tantrums like his mom? (I'm talking about as a child; I try not to throw tantrums anymore :) ) I think that my big belly is beautiful. It will be strange to have my body be only mine again. I am just weeks away from taking on the title and responsibility that I have been preparing for and thinking about for the last 10 or more years. I only hope that I can be the mom that Maxwell needs me to be and help him to become who he is meant to be.

The curtain goes up very soon, and although there has been a great deal of hope, prayer, and preparation, I go on stage without a single rehearsal. I am sure there will be critics, but the only opinion I value will be that of myself, my husband, children and Father in Heaven. I hope that I make them proud!

"Let's get it started, yeah, let's get it started in here!"

I am excited about this whole concept...and I hope that it will be used for even more than deep thoughts and such. I would love to see a blog from Liz that gives us updates on her life as a mom of those two wonderful kids and the goings on of life for them! That goes for everyone, actually. I hope that we can use this to keep in touch even more and tell fun stories about our day-to-day experiences that we normally don't get a chance to share. Our one or two times of seeing each other each year just doesn't afford us the time to hear about things like that. So along with sharing personal feelings and pontificating about life, I hope that we can also use this as a newsletter of sorts. My first such entry will be done shortly...